I thought about him today. My brother. I was driving to work and a song came on the radio. Really quite an annoying song that I never really liked. But when I hear it, which is seldom thankfully, I can't turn it off because it connects me to a time when my brother was still alive.
We were hanging out after school, alone at home as usual. I must have been in about fourth grade because he was helping me with my times tables. He was always good with numbers. Then again, he was good with everything until he wasn’t and then he was destructive.
He made flash cards and quizzed me until I had the entire deck memorized. I can still see him smiling as the deck got smaller. We cycled through the few that just wouldn't stick in my head. When there were no cards left, he jumped up and flipped on the radio in the bedroom that we shared.
As much as I like music, I'm horrible at recognizing songs before the words start and even worse at remembering the name of the artist or band so I sat back and watched him flip his long bangs around as he strummed his air guitar to Dire Strait's "Money for Nothing" (which by the way, I had to Google to get the correct name... ha, nothing changes). He ducked into the closet and as the first lyrics began, he jumped out as if he was stepping onto a stage with bright lights to a sold out crowd. He rocked out for the entire song, eventually grabbing a scarf that he used as a prop.
I laughed and relished being part of his audience. I had to laugh again this morning when I heard "I want my MTV..." quietly begin from my car radio. I allowed myself to think about him, which quickly turned to missing him and before I knew it, I'd arrived at work with very little recollection of the stops or turns I'd made along the way, sort of like life.
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